Happy Birthday Dad — My All Around Kitchen

I may not have always known it back then, but I had a pretty awesome childhood. I grew up next door to my cousins and a set of grandparents. I had the best parents my older brother and I could ever ask for. Then we had another set of Grandparents, Mamar and Grumpar who lived 5 minutes away. They were young and energetic, like a second set of parents for us but they spoiled us as only a Grandparent could. They had a beautiful condo on an island off the Gulf of Mexico. Private white sand beach, a pool, great restaurants. My parents worked very hard and when it was time to go on vacation they never hesitated, we just always went there. They desperately needed a vacation and this place was paradise. My brother and I loved it too, so it was a no brainer. Florida was where we, the Core Four built so many of our greatest family memories. We were all together, no school, no work, no distractions. Days were spent lounging at the beach, playing in the pool, playing mini golf, going out to eat and staying up late watching tv. We also would go see around 5 movies while we were there. We would go to the movies after dinner or when it was rainy and we couldn’t beach and pool it. Movies in general remind me of Florida, and we saw some winners let me tell you: Garbage Pail Kids, Howard the Duck, Goodfellas, My Cousin Vinny, Beaches, Wayne’s World, Tommy Boy, Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, to name a few-trust me, the list goes on. It would basically be 2-3 good movies we wanted to see, and then two or three stinkers we would argue and laugh about. We loved it though and it really became a pivotal part of our family vacations.

We went to Florida a lot for Easter vacation, so I spent many a birthday there. I would write up these elaborate itineraries for the day, down to what we were doing every 15-30 minutes elaborate. There would be a lot of heckling and warnings to lower my expectations that I would not heed and without fail, by 11 AM the itinerary would be shot to hell. Florida was the place where we ‘did nothing’ so my itineraries were unwelcome. Each day was basically the same unless it rained: Breakfast, suit up, go to the pool and beach, discuss what we were doing for dinner, chill all day, go back up to the house, shower, get dressed up and go out to dinner. We had our list of must do restaurants we absolutely loved, and then a few more that were there for unforeseen situations.

One of our favorite restaurants was Charly’s Crab. It’s still there in St. Armand’s Circle, it’s just called Crab and Fin now. It was very 80s fine dining: a piano player, lamps at the table, high ceilings with peach colored drapery. They started each meal with their smoked salmon pate` and water crackers. This was my favorite part of the meal. Then they brought out their delicious warm bread, the kind that tastes like it was basted in butter. (I had a butter problem when I was a kid). My brother and I would drink Shirley Temples and sword fight with the garnish swords. My Mom and brother would ALWAYS get the ‘Martha’s Vineyard’ salad to start with. This was one of my Mother’s favorite parts of the trip. Then for dinner, my Dad’s absolute favorite (and Vin too) was the Pasta Pagliara. Fresh linguine in a buttery white wine sauce with salmon, mussels and spinach. He LOVED it. With very good reason, it was absolutely delicious. For dessert we would get a slice of key lime pie-hold the whipped cream, or on the side for Dad. When the check came, there would be four slices of pineapple dipped in chocolate, I think we would mostly all give it to my Mom, she loves pineapple.

We really loved to go out to eat together. Like any family we four would sometimes get into a fight, probably once a vacation. Angry silence in the car, silence when we were ordering, but by the time the appetizers would arrive, the silence would turn into mmmm, this is good. Then my Dad would start getting bites together for all of us to try what he was eating, and then we would be back.

I almost always would keep a Travel Diary, especially when I got a little older, I would include restaurant and movie reviews a la Zagats and Siskel and Ebert. We still have those books today, and they mean a lot to me. They captured a very special time in my life.

When I knew I was pregnant with my daughter, my parents were starting to shop around in Naples for a house to buy and eventually retire to. I had big plans for Florida, for family trips and memories for my daughter to cherish throughout her life. I was so excited to relive my youth with my core four and the additions of my husband, daughter and sister in-law. My Dad was so healthy, youthful and energetic before he got sick, I naively thought he would live forever and that Liana would have him in her life for a very long time. Swimming, going to the movies, staying up late, playing miniature golf, inside jokes, boardgames, Shirley Temples and all the seafood.

We have already spent a lot of time in Florida, we love it. Liana always says, I want to stay in Fladida Forever and Ever. It’s very bittersweet for me. She’s having that great time I wanted for her, but without the love of a Grandfather and my Dad is missing the love of a Granddaughter being spoiled on her Florida vacation. I knew my father so well. I knew his likes, dislikes, reactions, etc., we were very close. So being in Florida without him is like this unchartered territory, I don’t know this version of my Dad, I don’t know ‘Retired Florida Nonno’. The person he worked his whole life to be, cut short. So when we’re splashing around the pool or going to their club for lunch or mini golfing or trying a new restaurant, I’m wondering what Dad would think. I’m wondering if he ever would have gotten a sporty car. Would he have obsessed over fishing and just want to hang out on a boat everyday. Would he have stayed up all night long and taken naps outside in the shade during the day. Would he have taken up a hobby we never thought he would be interested in? Would he have watched the Octonauts with Liana and played it with her? I’m pretty sure this last trip we would have watched the Tetris movie together and then he would have downloaded the game on his phone and then play it on the outdoor couch all day until dinner.

I plan to make Pasta Pagliara with my Mom and Brother the next time we are together in Florida, we’ll drink spiked Shirley Temples. We’ll take Liana to a movie, we’ll cultivate our list of must eat at restaurants. I’ll flip out when I don’t get par on a mini golf hole. I’m always going to move forward, I’m always going to laugh and enjoy life, but I’ll always miss my Dad and like a child part of me will always be waiting for him to come back to us.

Now…I just took out my box of journals and can’t believe the loose piece of paper I have come across. I really don’t remember seeing this before and it may be a little hard to decipher my ten year old self’s story and handwriting, but stunningly, it’s about our first time mini golfing and of course we ate at Charly’s Crab that night. And the part with my Dad, it’s priceless:

I do have a memory of driving by a lit up scene of caves and waterfalls and us not knowing what it could possibly be, we didn’t have elaborate mini golf course like that in New York. So I guess the mystery was also weighing on my Dad. Ha. We always had fun. Just being together, it was never anything over the top it just was the core four.